Domestic Violence: Why Do Women Feel Trapped

February 20, 2017

Hello Sweets,

Most of my post are very uplifting and fun, but today I about to talk about something serious. Lets talk about domestic violence and why do women feel trapped. Domestic violence can happen to anyone but not talked about it enough. Every 9 seconds a woman is being assaulted in the US and around the world, one in three women has been beaten, coerced into sex, or other in her lifetime. Domestic violence is the number 1 injury to women. Everyday in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husband or boyfriend.

My Eye Witness Account

This past Saturday I was out with my husband and a couple of friends. As we made our way back from a good time. We noticed a car in a parking lot shaking. First thing that came to my mind was they were ending their night off right. However, before you knew if yelling came from the car. With my own two eyes the next thing that happened was heart-wrenching.  I saw a man reach across the driver seat and hit a woman, not once, not twice, but five times in the face. As we approached we ended up stopping the fight. I immediately called 911.  I was so frantic on the phone and I could not hear the operator on the other end due to the load yelling and commotion.

How Can This Be…

The woman’s face was bruised and bloody. He spat in her face and watching her whip it off left me in knots. My first instinct was to go over to him and beat him how she was beaten.  Within seconds a man can do that much damage. I wanted him to feel that pain. He could not even look at any of us in the face. After a minute or so passed and he was able to get on his feet and ran. Like he was going for the gold. Before anyone could chase after him he disappeared. We focused our attention to the woman and her injuries.

Out of my own disbelief she told us she was fine. That we can’t call the cops because her car had no insurance.  She could not even see out one eye and she wanted directions to the freeway to get back home as she claimed she wasn’t around here. I told her she wasn’t going no where until the cops came. As I knew she was going to look for him. The moral of the story she still ended up leaving before the cops came. I’m 100% sure she picked him up. That my friends is a reality.

 

 

So why do women feel trapped and need to stay. Here are what I found to help me understand what I witnessed.

What Type of Abuse is Out There

Physical abuse:

Physical force against someone in a way that injures or endangers that person. This includes sexual abuse. Being forced to do unwanted activities or being forced against will is physical abuse. This is also includes a married woman  forced by spouse/boyfriend into having sex.

What are the signs of physical abuse:
  • A person being afraid or anxious to please their partner.
  • Goes along with everything their partner does and says.
  • Checks in often with their partner to make sure they know where they are at.
  • Receives frequent harassing phone calls from partner.
  • Rarely comes out of the house.
  • Has frequent injuries that are often caused by an “accident”.
  • Misses work, school, appointments, and other obligations frequent.
  • Clothing change. Such as sunglasses, scarves, and long sleeves that don’t fit the weather.
  • Has low self-esteem.
  • Depressed, anxious, suicidal
Emotional Abuse

This is where the partner belittles, and shames the other. Chipping away at their self-esteem and self-worth. Using dominance, intimidation, isolation, humiliation, threats, and blames partner is all emotional abuse. Which includes rigorous control over finances like withholding money. Another example of emotional abuse is withholding necessities such as, food, water, clothing, medicine, and shelter.

Signs of emotional abuse:
  • A person being afraid or anxious to please their partner.
  • Goes along with everything their partner does and says.
  • Rarely comes out of the house.
  • Has limited money or access to credit cards.
  • Becomes depressed, anxious, and suicidal.

Why Women Stay in Abusive Relationships

It is a vicious cycle. According to Harvard Heath, the abuse falls into a pattern.

Abuse: Abuse occurs physical or emotional. Leaving the partner belittled, shamed, hurt, and isolated.

Guilt: The abuser feels guilty. He doesn’t want to get caught.

Excuse: The abuser rationalizes what he/she has done. The abuser may come up with excuses of why they had to do what they did.

“Normal” behavior: The abuser needs control at all times, therefore the one way of that is acting as if nothing happened. Will become charming and often will buy gifts. This is to keep partner from leaving. Called the honeymoon phase.

Fantasy: The abuser fantasizes about abusing again. They can sit there and think of things you did wrong just so they can abuse again.

Set-up: Abuser sets you up and plans to abuse again.

The cycle repeats itself. (Harvard Heath, helpguide.org)

The abuser goes to the extreme in order for their partner to stay. Leaving them without money or shelter. The threat of harm to children is a major concern for women in abusive homes.  According to NCADV ( National Coalition Against Domestic Violence), an interview conducted by men who killed their wives, claimed that the threat of separation or leaving caused the events that lead to murder.

Reality is the victim is left to face the concern that their abuser will find her and will kill her or loved ones. Another fear is losing custody of children. A finance burden. Women face giving up their lifestyle just to escape.  According to NCADV, 20% of homicides was not the victim themselves, but family, friends, neighbors, and persons that intervened such as law enforcement or bystanders. 72% of murder-suicides involve the abuser and victim. 94% of the victims are women (NCADV.org).

The Impact on Children

1 in 15 children are exposed to domestic abuse and 90% are eyewitnesses.  Left worried and afraid Children believe they are the cause of the abuse.  Many children grow up and enter into an abusive relationship as it is a norm. Many become the abuser. This is a cycle that can continue on generations (Childhood Domestic Violence Association).

Get Help

An outsider looking in fear and anger for this woman’s life consumed me. My head and heart was unable to process it all. This ended a good night and I  came home to cry myself to sleep.

Conclusion

We live in an ugly world and the boogie man can be the man that fathered your children and sleeps next to you every night. Do you know some one that is being abused or are you  being abused? There is help out there. REAL help. That will make sure you are safe and help you and your children get back on your feet.  XOXO

For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now.

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